Just got back now from a week in Spain and I have to say, was one of the most needed holidays I’ve had in a while. I have been stressed out by work, stressed out by my house (living with boys can be a bloody nightmare sometimes) and thoroughly stressed out by my weight and the lack of progress I have been making with it.
This week has given me a massive opportunity to really take stock of everything going on in my life and kind of dissect it all without it going on around me if that makes sense? I’m going to break this down into different sections:
I started a new job back in March at an amazing agency and I think the panic I’ve been feeling is that I’m not good enough, but I know that really I am if I actually thought about it. They aren’t trying to get rid of me and they aren’t going to not pass my probation as long as I maintain the standards that I’ve currently set.
What I think has put in a spanner in the works, is me setting up my own little baking business on the side of this. I like to think of myself as quite a talented baker, and I enjoy it more than anything. The feeling of giving others food that warms their hearts and gives them comfort is amazing.
The past week has made me realise that I can do both of them but I just need to prioritise and focus on each task separately rather than tackling them all at one go!! Which is not uncommon with me, most people are used to me running around like a headless chicken.
I live with two boys, both absolutely lovely in their own right but I just think I’m craving girlie time a lot and I think this links in with my weight loss as well. I live with two boys who’s metabolism rates are ridiculous. They can both scoff down an entire Dominos pizza with sides and not put on a single pound. If I did that, I would be half a stone heavier overnight!!
Also, they are both moving out in October and I’m trying to organise new housemates which is never an easy job either.
And here is where it gets quite emotional. I honestly feel a bit like a failure at the moment when it comes to my weight loss.
I started this year with these massive high hopes that by now I would be at least 2 stone lighter and I ended up just putting more weight on at the beginning of the year and now I feel like I haven’t made any real progress. Its just a bit all disheartening.
But going on this holiday has actually helped give me a massive kick up the rear end. I stood there in my swimsuit looking at my body in the mirror and just thought ‘How have I let it get this bad? Why am I staring at myself in the mirror wishing that I could be that 5 stone lighter and feel good about myself? And will it ever happen for me?’
The friend that I was on holiday with is also going through a massive diet push at the moment so it was really easy staying on track but I know in my heart of hearts I wanted more treats. Not that I needed them. What I did notice on holiday, was how little I needed to eat. Maybe it was the heat but I never felt hungry but I lived off a lot of salad, yogurt and water. It’s strange how quickly your body deals with a reduced calorie intake and makes you realise you didn’t need all the stuff you were eating.
I’m now back in the uk and I need to focus and I need to be setting myself some realistic mini goals that I can keep to between now and the wedding and I think that goal is 10lbs a month which would make my loss by Xmas – 40lbs. Sounds a lot. Us I’m going to be proper going for it!
I used the flight home to plan my meals for the week and I have a plan to go the gym, three times this week and on the other days do the shred DVD. I am going to keep you all updated with my progress but my aim is get to my first silver seven new week at WI.
And I think this completely sums up how I’m feeling: