Reflection from holiday

Just got back now from a week in Spain and I have to say, was one of the most needed holidays I’ve had in a while. I have been stressed out by work, stressed out by my house (living with boys can be a bloody nightmare sometimes) and thoroughly stressed out by my weight and the lack of progress I have been making with it.

This week has given me a massive opportunity to really take stock of everything going on in my life and kind of dissect it all without it going on around me if that makes sense? I’m going to break this down into different sections:

Work

I started a new job back in March at an amazing agency and I think the panic I’ve been feeling is that I’m not good enough, but I know that really I am if I actually thought about it. They aren’t trying to get rid of me and they aren’t going to not pass my probation as long as I maintain the standards that I’ve currently set.

What I think has put in a spanner in the works, is me setting up my own little baking business on the side of this. I like to think of myself as quite a talented baker, and I enjoy it more than anything. The feeling of giving others food that warms their hearts and gives them comfort is amazing.

The past week has made me realise that I can do both of them but I just need to prioritise and focus on each task separately rather than tackling them all at one go!! Which is not uncommon with me, most people are used to me running around like a headless chicken.

Home

I live with two boys, both absolutely lovely in their own right but I just think I’m craving girlie time a lot and I think this links in with my weight loss as well. I live with two boys who’s metabolism rates are ridiculous. They can both scoff down an entire Dominos pizza with sides and not put on a single pound. If I did that, I would be half a stone heavier overnight!!

Also, they are both moving out in October and I’m trying to organise new housemates which is never an easy job either.

Weight loss

And here is where it gets quite emotional. I honestly feel a bit like a failure at the moment when it comes to my weight loss.

I started this year with these massive high hopes that by now I would be at least 2 stone lighter and I ended up just putting more weight on at the beginning of the year and now I feel like I haven’t made any real progress. Its just a bit all disheartening.

But going on this holiday has actually helped give me a massive kick up the rear end. I stood there in my swimsuit looking at my body in the mirror and just thought ‘How have I let it get this bad? Why am I staring at myself in the mirror wishing that I could be that 5 stone lighter and feel good about myself? And will it ever happen for me?’

The friend that I was on holiday with is also going through a massive diet push at the moment so it was really easy staying on track but I know in my heart of hearts I wanted more treats. Not that I needed them. What I did notice on holiday, was how little I needed to eat. Maybe it was the heat but I never felt hungry but I lived off a lot of salad, yogurt and water. It’s strange how quickly your body deals with a reduced calorie intake and makes you realise you didn’t need all the stuff you were eating.

I’m now back in the uk and I need to focus and I need to be setting myself some realistic mini goals that I can keep to between now and the wedding and I think that goal is 10lbs a month which would make my loss by Xmas – 40lbs. Sounds a lot. Us I’m going to be proper going for it!

I used the flight home to plan my meals for the week and I have a plan to go the gym, three times this week and on the other days do the shred DVD. I am going to keep you all updated with my progress but my aim is get to my first silver seven new week at WI.

And I think this completely sums up how I’m feeling:

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Fat Club Result

It is Saturday morning and I went off to Fat Club like I do every week and cautiously stood on those scales….

So I am now into day 3 of Dukan and it does work I have to say as I stepped on and lost 2 pounds!! Great news!

I’m really happy with myself. I have stayed focused and managed to lose weight. And the key is to stay in this mindset and on the same track.

I had one of those situations last night that normally I would falter at and pretty much fail at – the Friday night pub trip. I had decided that I’m not going to drink any alcohol and that’s it. Not even one little G&T that I am normally gasping for on a Friday night. Now trying to explain to my friend that I wasn’t drinking, turned into me telling a slight little white liar… “I’m on antibiotics” just slipped out of my mouth. Then people asked and I just had I had a virus thing the weekend before and just finishing off the course. Why?! Because I didn’t want people looking at me thinking that I had become one if those people….

Keeping these happy thoughts in my mind, I’m spending the weekend doing not an awful lot but going to go and get my backside to the gym tomorrow morning. I would like to be polishing my halo at the WI next weekend.

Fingers crossed!!

Day 1 of Dukan – beginning of 10 day countdown

And I’m off on a much needed holiday next Saturday, 14th July, for a week to Alicante in Spain and it’s going to bliss to just get away from everything for a while. Work has been stressful, losing weight has been stressful, watching my sister go off travelling for 6 months has been stressful and now I’m dealing with sorting out new housemates – RAH! Break time needed.

In preparation for this, I have been desperately trying to lose weight on WW plan but not getting very far because I think in my head ‘everything in moderation’ becomes shortened down to just eat ‘everything’. So instead, I have started the Dukan Diet today for the next 10 days to give me the little boost I need.

If you don’t know about the Dukan Diet, read the principles here. I’m currently in the Attack phase where I live off protein and that’s about it. Joy.

Now, I’ve done this plan in the past and lost just under a stone in 3 weeks. I’m not trying to do that but I need to feel that I will be happy that I tried to look better for my holiday.

The girl that I’m going on holiday with is, as well, very conscious of her weight and actually it will be great going on holiday where we can cook healthy salads, having nice healthy breakfasts etc without the pressure from a massive group of friends goading you into eating the full English option! As it’s just us two in her parent’s villa, it also means we won’t be drinking all the time, which I know is always going to hinder my weight loss.

Today’s menu today has been:

B – skinny iced latte + fat free greek yogurt with sweetner

L – turkey breast slices and chicken mini fillets + HOT skinny latte

I have also drunk a LOT of water! And weirdly I’m not hungry…. I will keep you updated on my progress…

Fat Club Result

I haven’t mentioned to yet but I go to Fat Cub aka Weight Watchers. Now, I’ve not had the greatest of weeks due to my little sister tootling off to South East Asia for the next five months so there has been a number of outings to say goodbye and all that = not on plan….

Well, I put on half a pound.

I just wanted to punch myself in the face, cry a little bit and also just wait for someone to scream out ‘WHY ARE YOU SUCH A DISAPPOINTMENT?’

I also had quite an in depth conversation with my friend this morning over coffee before Fat Club and he just kept saying that if I gave up the booze then I wouldn’t overeat. I didn’t want to tell him that he was right. Every time I drink, everything I know I SHOULD do goes right out of the window and I feel that I’m invincible to food and nothing will have any effect. So the drinking needs to go out of the window and welcome to my world as a sober individual until I can get my weight under control.

Does losing weight have to mean you become one of the most boring people on the planet?

Quite good news is that one of those hot yoga places is opening up across the road from my flat in the next month, bring on sweating the fat out of me whilst I attempt to balance in different positions. The things we do eh?!

6 months to go….

Actually it’s 6 months and 2 days if we are going to be precise.

So here’s the situation I seemed to have landed myself in – I woke up on January 2nd this year and realised that this year was the year that I wanted to do something different that meant that I didn’t leave 2012 like a complete failure, well, so far I have been a failure.

Not only that but over the Christmas period my Dad decided to propose to my step mum and that’s that. Hello wedding on December 29th 2012, and I’m a sodding bridesmaid. It would make such a difference if my three sister (biog and step) weren’t all teeny tiny human beings with ridiculously high levels of metabolism. In animal terms, they are all cheetahs and I’m a sloth.

Back in January, I imagined that I would by now be at least 2 stone lighter, I am a total of 2 pounds heavier. So you can see that this plan isn’t going very well, not at all. I have to drag myself out this lull that I seemed to have got myself into and I stupidly thought that starting a blog may get me to focus on the task at hand.

And this is where you lot come in, I’m hoping in time, people will be interested enough in the little task I have at hand and may start following me and see how I’m getting on. Or it am be a case of people sitting there reading this going, this girl is a bit nuts. Well, I’m not fussed which it is really but I decided to do it. I would a regular bollocking as well if I don’t keep updating it.

Tonight when I get home, I’m forcing myself into a horrible pair of shorts, a vest top and I am going to take horrible pictures as well as record my measurements and put them out there. Out there so they are no longer secret and I can’t get pretending that it will magically get better.

Get used to my rumblings as this blog is going to be all about me and this pesky weight which I am desperate to get off!!